I Need to Start a Garden

Do you know that somehow, after months of protests, as well as all kinds of people with money and influence lobbying the government to do something, very little has been accomplished regarding police violence and racism in America? I would say that besides a collective awakening that went a lot deeper than one should normally expect, the biggest change is that the Washington football team has finally jettisoned “Redskins” as their team name. And this only happened because some major stockholders and advertisers were afraid of backlash; it wasn’t a crisis of conscience; Dan Snyder, the team’s owner, had repeatedly vowed to keep the name. It was money, and only money that brought that change about. Of course this, and a lot of other systemic problems in America could be solved by simply treating the people that are affected by these issues with more respect and actually bringing them to the table, rather than the condescension that has pervaded our history. Maybe it’s a macho thing, the same thing that makes certain people balk at wearing a mask during a goddamn global pandemic; admitting that you are possibly wrong, or wait for it, that you maybe don’t have all of the pertinent information to dictate governance that will determine the quality of life for entire populations. Can you imagine having people in power who address the consistent murder of unarmed Black people by police with accountability, and actually listening to Black people? There was the start of a conversation here in Peterborough, but those who raised concern were summarily dismissed, the police version of events stands, and I hadn’t heard anything more; though in Tuesday’s paper there was a great progress report, and it seems like there are some folks (Town Library in the house!) that are still putting in a lot of effort. Also, I did drive by the station this weekend and see a few people camped out on the lawn there with signs; so maybe this confrontation of our small town blindspots isn’t over. 

This all brings me to our subject for today, people: opinion. Something has happened in recent years, where some have become convinced that they live apart from society. The conservative and liberal viewpoints have been equated, and given similar weight, so now one of the things you hear often is that these right-wing opinions must be tolerated, because mutual respect is the path to a civilized society. After a scientific expert speaks about global warming, they cart out some crackpot who is paid by the fossil fuel industry to manipulate statistics. The news will feature someone calling for the removal of statues that honor actual mass murderers and white supremacists, and then of course, they’ve got to have someone else talking about how we must preserve our history and all of that. Wearing a mask, even though it is one hundred percent proven to reduce the risk of spreading the virus, is a choice. Being queer is a choice, according to these people, so therefore is not deserving of the same protections and guarantees that America supposedly extends to its citizens. I’m sick of elected public servants promoting and encouraging these anti-social ideas. We are a society, we are living all together in this world; the things that we do affect those around us. If you want to be a public servant, because remember, that is what politicians are supposed to be, you must serve the people that you represent, which does not mean only the people that voted for you. I’m happy to argue about logistics and economic theory all day long, but what should never be in contention, what should never be up for discussion, are the human rights of every single person in this country. If you can’t stand up for people in marginalized populations and communities, if you can’t be respectful and stand with (Black, Brown, Latinx, Queer, Trans) people, if you can’t have empathy for those in poverty or differently abled, then you have no business being a public servant. The fact that any of these things are up for debate in America is patently insane to me; if your opinion is that people that are different from you don’t deserve the same rights and access, then you have invalidated your right to having an opinion on the matter. I usually run every morning, past many a dead frog, carcusses like deflated balloons, lining the wet road. I try to itemize all of the frustration and incredulity regarding the current status quo, and to remember that my rage is merely second hand; things could go on like this and as a white, cis-gender, man in rural New Hampshire, I won’t be bodily in danger. I want to smash the state, but I’m a coward; I see the leaves moving in the wind, tethered but dancing still, each step potentially a letter in an ancient code that I am not equipped to read. On some days when it’s quiet, I feel like I can almost make out a message in the movements, reflecting both our genetic lattice and the silent Cosmic Reef, the wind a coded detour to a collective awakening. And while I ponder this mystical hearsay, there are murderers in police uniforms still getting paid by the state, being shifted around to desk jobs, and in some cases, still patrolling communities. There is a man in charge of this country who would have been fired from Applebees within a single day, and he has installed heads of agencies who do not have any knowledge or commitment to those particular agencies. Betsy Devos, the Secretary of Education, does not believe in public school (and if you think that’s insane, consider that NH’s Education Commissioner, Frank Edelblut, also does not believe in public school). 

Sorry folks, it’s been taking me longer and longer to get to the record lately. I mean, there are several points outlined above that I hope start some conversations or personal investigation, because the last thing we need is another positive feedback loop, but I do want these essays to both create an abstract space and to project that space from each of your lives forward into the world. Considering these ideas, potential actions, future scholarship, as well as these albums, I hope can propagate a shared vocabulary with which we can better communicate and understand one another. And speaking of the album, this Haley Heynderickx lp is an exquisite example of projecting the inner self out into the world. Her ability to crystallize seemingly hyper-personal moments only magnifies their relatability. She uses vulnerability as a superpower, and that is something we can all run with. When we are vulnerable, it is an opening to empathy, to feeling exposed and scared, without resource or respite. This is a place where we can begin to heal, but more importantly, a place where we can find the opportunity to rebuild. We can make ourselves, and each other better, by listening, processing the existential dread in myriad ways; songs, drawings, running, gardens. I Need To Start A Garden speaks to that universal to-do list, full of items that can feel unattainable, and also serves as a reminder that everyone has these hypothetical ways to mitigate the impending disaster around them. The album reaches a perfect crescendo where she works herself up to a frustrated, titular shout, exasperated, but then after a beat, falls right back into the song, with aplomb and resolution. I’m optimistic that we too will be able to stick the landing so gracefully, and then continue to do so again and again, finding purpose and joy throughout the moribund road ahead.

Hayley Heynderickx - I Need to Start a Garden

Saturday August 8th 2020, 7pm

Just put it on at your house using a stereo or the internet or whatever you want.

Eric Gagne

Nova Arts